its so tiring to be who we are, so tiring to show people who the real "me" is, yet NOT show people who the real "me" is? isnt that the case in the world. NOBODY, i dare say NOBODY shows 100% of who they really are in this wretched world. simply because the world would be UNABLE to take it. "this is who i am, this is the real me" Is this really the real me? we gotta keep asking ourselves that. one moment we lose track, the next we look back and wonder who the heck was the person standing in our shoes behaving the way he/she did.
christians always want to give non-believers the best impressions. testimony its called. so that we can set the example for them. set the example that Jesus set for us. but how tiring it is to be the pillar of strength. the pillar of peace, that punching bag continually attacked by circumstances and problems but so resilantly not giving in. why do we feel so tired? why do we feel so weary? isnt it all because we dont go back to Christ? then we say OKAY i shall do quiet time tonight, read my bible, pray. we're back on track! now i wont feel tired, tml in school, the devil's gonna fall at my feet. or so we think.
the next day we feel even more tired than before. we feel even more helpless. before we kept our eyes on God, we were tired, now, we're still tired? hows that possible. maybe we were never MEANT to NOT feel tired. maybe we were just meant to commit it to God and ask him to HELP us through this tiredness. the tiredness doesnt disappear because we ask God to make it disappear. when we look to God for help. he simply walks beside us THROUGH the furnace. he simplys cries with us when we cry. he's simply there for us. maybe thats what its all about.
people often say, i dont wanna be a christian, if God is so good, why are there so many screwed up christians. with vulgarities, with attitudes, with all the shortcomings a christian as stereotyped by the world is NOT supposed to have. why? with this in their mind, they dont wanna be a christian. they dont wanna believe. this God is simply not real, not good, not POWERFUL enough if his believers are behaving like that?
how christians behave does NOT remove the fact that we are ultimately ALL answerable to God. if every christian behaved perfectly. would you believe?
i'm sure not. u'd think they were controlled freaks. religious screw ups. thats what you'll think of them. surely if they all behaved so well, they cant have done it out of their own will. God must be controlling them. why would i want to be controlled.
why am i typing all this? lol i feel possessed. im tired. mentally. but life goes on. the clock doesnt wait. every step i take. is one step closer to the finish line.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
