why are we so weak.

i realised i have not posted for the longest time ever, not been updating, basically i've not even been coming to my blog. alot of things have been happening and i've simply had no mood whatsoever to come and pen down what has been going on in my life.


well PW oral presentation is over, chinese A levels is over, volleyball training has restarted, i became an ogl, we're gonna re-begin our ywav camp planning because the camp theme has been changed, yam's birthday just passed HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Jenisse's birthday is coming, Eric and Bell's wedding is coming, my grandma's birthday is coming.


those are just small little updates. to be honest, i dont even know why i didnt feel like blogging all this while, its almost as if blogging puts me off. My walk with God has been in its worst state ever the past month, but i know at the end of the day, all it takes is a conscious effort and discipline to return to God that will get me back on track, cos God never forsakes. i've been trying very hard to get back on track, to re-ignite that flame, and maybe thats the problem, doing all of it myself and not committing to God.


this committing to God thing struck me really hard as i was walking down the street last week, its like all we need to do is commit everything to God, and really, God will just TAKE CARE of everything FOR REAL, im not kidding, you will feel peace, love and most of all hope that at the end of whatever ur going thru, all will be well. But we just simply cannot commit it to God, we just cant let go! WHY! i must really confess, as far a christian can drift away from God after being born again, i think i've done it man, and i really regret, but my testimony has just been horrible but i know God's waiting for me to come back, and i will go back.

you know if ur backsliding, will you go back?

wow i havent posted for THAT long eh. interesting... soooo many things have been happening in the past few weeks i've just had no time to sit down and reflect and think about stuff. but now that holidays has started, i think i really need to re-evaluate my life and my walk.

the past few weeks, have been training hard in vball, i think the team is starting to look like a team, starting to play tgt and play ball. of course we still have an extremely extremely long way to go before we will reach A div level but every journey needs a first step right.

hmm previously got back results, moving on... things have just been such a blur, and my walk has been really off, and i pray i'll get back. the funny thing about all this is that we get to make the choice to go to God, its us that causes our walks to be so off track, yet we never seem to go back.

now planning for church camp, hmm i really dont know what to say man, many many things have been going on yet i cant put a finger to it, i cant put them on paper, its weird huh. how there are a million things happening but u have no idea what they are.this is the end of JC1.


how things have changed....

now that the picture is so much clearer, i'll wait! as long as it takes. i'll wait. i just pray it all works out. but im happy now. i really am. THANK YOU GOD.

i really want to share everything that has happened the past 5 days starting from thursday morning where we set off to jalan betera for the camp(i think thats how u spell it. lol.) all the way till sunday night when we were released and today when we had our dinner ceremony and officially graduated from ccaab camp(cca advisory board), to become the leaders of ACJC.


this experience has just blown me away. i went NOT wanting to go, my mind was all about who in the world wants to go for a stupid leadership camp. i miss ywav, i miss sunday service, my church friends, i miss thursday and friday AC games. but i dont regret, and i never will. This is the first camp ever that i would dare say i would bring home something other than memories. the values and lessons learnt. im totally blown back by what God has done to me through the camp and participants.

the best camp i've ever been for. EVER been for. words just cannot describe how i feel. i just praise God for humbling me as much as he has. i feel weak, i feel hurt, sad and disappointed with myself. but i also feel proud, happy, confident and optimistic. i know the road ahead is amazing and glorious if i will just learn from my mistakes. oh how i wish i could go back and re walk that path. but i know God meant it exactly for what he did, and i will follow, i will listen.


its alright to make mistakes, as long as we learn from them.

TEN BOOM. We'll blow you away.
CCAAB 2008. We will lead.as we follow.
thank you Lord father in heaven. hallowed be thy name.

CCAAB camp

i went with the intention to dominate, to shine, to be a "star", but God had other plans. he wanted me to be humbled. i went with the intention to lead, but God had other plans. he wanted me to follow. this is the first camp in my life i daresay i'm bringing sth back home other than memories. the lessons learnt. im just humbled. i really am.

God is good.

so many things i dont wanna say. so many things i dont dare to show. so many thoughts i dont have the guts to expose. all because i know non believers are watching me. all because i know im answerable to God. but God made us imperfect. even believers are flawed. Even we are weak. trusting in the Lord doesnt make us invunerable, doesnt make us invincible.it simply gives us a source of strength. a place we can turn to whether we need the strength or not. whether we're at peace or not.


its so tiring to be who we are, so tiring to show people who the real "me" is, yet NOT show people who the real "me" is? isnt that the case in the world. NOBODY, i dare say NOBODY shows 100% of who they really are in this wretched world. simply because the world would be UNABLE to take it. "this is who i am, this is the real me" Is this really the real me? we gotta keep asking ourselves that. one moment we lose track, the next we look back and wonder who the heck was the person standing in our shoes behaving the way he/she did.


christians always want to give non-believers the best impressions. testimony its called. so that we can set the example for them. set the example that Jesus set for us. but how tiring it is to be the pillar of strength. the pillar of peace, that punching bag continually attacked by circumstances and problems but so resilantly not giving in. why do we feel so tired? why do we feel so weary? isnt it all because we dont go back to Christ? then we say OKAY i shall do quiet time tonight, read my bible, pray. we're back on track! now i wont feel tired, tml in school, the devil's gonna fall at my feet. or so we think.


the next day we feel even more tired than before. we feel even more helpless. before we kept our eyes on God, we were tired, now, we're still tired? hows that possible. maybe we were never MEANT to NOT feel tired. maybe we were just meant to commit it to God and ask him to HELP us through this tiredness. the tiredness doesnt disappear because we ask God to make it disappear. when we look to God for help. he simply walks beside us THROUGH the furnace. he simplys cries with us when we cry. he's simply there for us. maybe thats what its all about.


people often say, i dont wanna be a christian, if God is so good, why are there so many screwed up christians. with vulgarities, with attitudes, with all the shortcomings a christian as stereotyped by the world is NOT supposed to have. why? with this in their mind, they dont wanna be a christian. they dont wanna believe. this God is simply not real, not good, not POWERFUL enough if his believers are behaving like that?
how christians behave does NOT remove the fact that we are ultimately ALL answerable to God. if every christian behaved perfectly. would you believe?
i'm sure not. u'd think they were controlled freaks. religious screw ups. thats what you'll think of them. surely if they all behaved so well, they cant have done it out of their own will. God must be controlling them. why would i want to be controlled.


why am i typing all this? lol i feel possessed. im tired. mentally. but life goes on. the clock doesnt wait. every step i take. is one step closer to the finish line.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

ive not been taking pictures cos simply not been in the mood to. lol.
friday after math paper i went to watch house bunny with friends, i think i've already said that. yes. well then saturday nothing much.


SUNDAY was a great day, but the end of the day i was half dead, went for church, ate lunch, went to play pool with gabriel and jemyam then went to play bball with zach lejon etc at queenstown cc. now THATS how sundays are meant to be spent. then went home got changed, went out with my family to watch mamamia, its actually not bad. but its not really that great a movie, unless ur an ABBA fan then it would be really awesome. well im not so i thought it was alrite, but my bro and dad were ranting about it. lol so whatever.


today went to play soccer with wenjie they all, it was alrite i guess. the past few weeks ive just not been in the mood for physical stuff
i just wanna sit down, have a meal, chitchat, maybe play pool and stuff. dunno whats wrong with me.lol maybe its the weather. maybe its not.


apathetically emotionless.

what am i doing at home on a saturday MORNING

yesterday was my h2 math paper. it was the 2nd worst math paper i had ever done in my life. first being sec 4 amath mid years. lol. MOVING on..... after that i went to watch HOUSE BUNNY with friends. it is the MOST chic flickalicious chic flick u will EVER find. i'm a chic flick lover and even i found it OVER chic flickalicious. so yeah, unless ur being treated to it, its no no! lol

but then again, it was pretty pleasant, and it was fun too, so if ur rich and u just wanna laugh with friends, go ahead. btw, the jokes are sick jokes so unless ur name is like lejon etc, u prolly wouldnt understand it anyway. :D love you lj.

okay now im bored. if ur bored and ur free, well i was about to say send me a msg but i realised that wld sound ultimately desperate. so no do NOT send me a msg. just....... hmmm figure out a way to UN-bore urself! i shall cook. BYE.

im in such a good mood! today was chinese paper, after that went to gym with zehang then went to play soccer with 1SC5 peeps and derek, then went home my father wanted to cook dinner but i suggested eating out so we went botak jones and i ate till i was SOOO satisfied. and once i reached home, it rained donkeys. WHAT a beautiful way to spend a tuesday!

:) its flooding over here! omg so fun!

yay! my mum got me a new umbrella! nice shade of blue eh? i asked her why she didnt buy pink, then her mouth dropped and she stared at me like i was a freak. LOL.

it is a beautiful sunday afternoon and i just returned home from church and im bored so i started taking random photos and posting them up. below is my handphone pouch! Phu gave it to me! nice eh! i know ur gonna say he gave it to me for a reason, but he actually let me choose between 2 and i chose this myself so RID URSELF OF THOSE EVIL THOUGHTS.

Darth Vader married britney spears and thru the power of the force, Darth Spears was born! a new and powerful dark wizard, darth spears had unimaginable powers! he was the only jedi in the entire dark federation that did not use a lightsaber! he used lightspears! throwing them with ridiculous accuracy, he was talent spotted by the singapore sports council! he changed his nationality from zimbabwean to Singaporean and represented Singapore in the Olympics at the event of ARCHERY! making it into the semi finals, the entire country celebrated for a new hero was born!

DArth vader had a younder s0n, his name was Jeremy skywalker! jeremy was jealous because his name started with J so everyone called him jealous jeremy but everyone called darth spears DAmazing darth! so jeremy decided to go swimming to drown his sorrows, but in the end jeremy himself drowned. Darth vader and britney spears were devastated but britney spears was more devastated than darth vader so she went home to sleep. darth vader died of loneliness and darth spears upon seeing the death of his father, died too. and britney spears lived happily ever after.

im bored.