17th December monday
cool new blog, dunno what made me create this blog, i think its cos i have so many things to say, no bloody person to tell and hell lot of free time.
i've been thinking, why am i so screwed up, honestly i wanna grow spiritually, but what the hell! im doing nothing about it! Talk about prayer all that shit, seriously im damn glib man, i can tell ppl trust God trust God, but what the hell am i doing? nothing! lol king.
dear God please help me. please.
I've been thinking about alot later, i said i liked her, but is that the truth? Am i saying it cos i want to like her or because i really do like her? i think its the former, what the?! i keep talking about girls and how they dun help our lives, i agreed with lejon relationships at this point in time are all irrelevant and all that crap, but i keep joking that jen is my girlfren, at the rr camp, keep saying im married to sam, wad the hell am i doing? seriously.
then i say i wanna swim wanna work out wanna study , all bullshit. what the hell am i doing with my life? i feel no drive no meaning, where is the caleb burning so passionately about christ at the end of sec 2? where the hell is he?
today i went out with jerome, i was talking to him about one's walk with God and stuff. When things are not burning and all glittery like that of the case of my life now, can u really say i trust God? i love God? same as the sermon yesterday by rev george ong. How close are u to God? Can u really uphold him in ur darkest days? Can u really be the real life job that was in the bible?
God, i need a change in my life, a spark, to go forth and not hold back, i need you.
JEALOUSY. How relevant is that word is society nowadays? i have felt it more in the past months than i've ever felt it in my life. in my life! lol amazing. first the soccer that sunday across the field, i really felt i was the best player on the field. after the match ppl were just ranting about gabriel's one goal. please help me God.
then ywav/qbc camp wadever. BERTRAND AND YAM BOTH leaders, wth? and i wasnt even a dorm leader, nothing, seriously nothing at all. What the hell is wrong with me? i stopped doing the prayer list, come back from malaysia i find out the jam bbq is planned by 5 ppl cos maybe i thought i wasnt there when they discussed it on the saturday so i wasnt asked by eric and serene to plan the bbq.. fine by me. then guess wad, i hear frm yam they also asked joy and william to plan, isnt that everyone but me? why do i want to lead so much? am i just a superficial attention seeker? whats the reason im working out so badly? aint it all to be popular?
A good leader knows how to follow.
i cant find any part in the bible where jesus was not following, how am i supposed to relate? father help me get my walk back on track, its really you that matters, not the attention i would get, not the praise and credit, if i get it all now, thats all the reward i will get, that on earth.
Its the heavenly rewards i seek.
Father i kneel down at ur feet, mold me, please help me.i dun even dare to say use me, how can a holy glorious king use a dirty unworthy servant, but i know father u work in miraculous ways, thank you father for all you have done.
We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
he is the reason to live.
am i proud?
