yesterday

yesterday i went to sentosa with the 4 lau sisters, timmy, zach lejon bert and yuetong, it was the most retarded outing to sentosa i have ever had in my life i tell you.

we were spose to meet at harbourfront mrt at 10.30am, lau sisters left their house at 10.25, timmy and i left queenstown at 10.30 and yuetong reached harbourfront at 9 plus. when we all gathered, it was 11.30. talk about punctuality.

the day before i suggested bringing monopoly to sentosa and we can play on the beach, cos it wld be so fun. it was the stupidest idea i have ever suggested in my life. when we reached sentosa, i opened the monopoly box and found there were no dice. so timmy took out his poker cards and used ace to queen as 1 to 12 and we just pick a card as our dice. gosh i already feel stupid typing about this. it was so dumb we got bored after 2 rounds.

then we played volleyball for 5 mins. captains ball for 10 mins, bridge for 4 minutes, and sat around and stoned. then charisse delisse elisse bert and i went to get food from 7 eleven. cup noodles in sentosa.. hm. great.

then charisse delisse and i went to rent bikes, and my bike was seriously messed up, i fell down twice, the first time when i was during a sharp turn on sandy concrete, the 2nd time when i was doing a sharper turn on sandier concrete. my injuries aint that bad, but its the worst ive had in years, i've got good fortune not getting injured, i guess falling of a bike 2wice shows my luck's running out. lol.

then we went to ABC brickworks hawker centre to eat dinner, its behind the ikea in queenstown, whoa, was my best meal in a long time i tell you, we were all eating like babarians, cept the sisters, lejon timmy zach bert and i were just ENJOYING man. we ALL spent like more than 10 bucks each. and u have to consider that its hawker centre prices, and the portions are way larger than normal places, in other words, we ate, ALOT.

was a fun day, but my injuries hurt lol who cares la huh. the year's ending, we're all growing older, im going emo. shucks. during the bus ride to ABC, charisse was talking to me about pastor eric talking to excons about relationships and stuff, got me thinking alot.
i may have gone alittle too far, but its never too late to stop.

HEY everybody! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YALL!

today i woke up late for church service, i reached church AFTER the service ended. just in time to get all my presents. NO i did not plan it, i overslept and nobody woke me up, i was LOOKING forward to the service hmph.

anyways my father's side family came down to singapore, my father's two sisters and his brother so it was like 19 people altogether wow! and to be honest it was one of my best christmas-es in recent years, i dunno why but it was really awesome, interacting with cousins and stuff, and to be honest, my siblings and i arent really close to my cousins, but today we really talked and just laughed and it was just a great time man.

we had lunch then we spent the whole day walking around vivo, then went for dinner at arcadia, then we went back to the hotel where my uncle and auntie were staying and we just talked nonsense, watched tv and laughed lol, really an awesome christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS ONCE AGAIN TO YALL OUT THERE :D
and kimberly by the time you find my blog its probably year 2100, :) merry christmas 2100!

still no push to blog man, prolly gonna close it soon or sth. lol.

i just realised, the last time i posted was one month ago. where have i been?? what have i been doing??? okay i'm like talking to myself. man its been a mad ride the past month, i dunno where to start, i dont feel like typing, i dont feel like talking and i sure dont feel like blogging.

but since i have nothing to do anyway, might as well. havent been taking pictures and when i do , its all been posted onto facebook, yeah im into facebook now yeah, lol ever since i created facebook for ccaab pictures. so pictures from jenisse's birthday dinner, my taiwan trip, volleyball's sentosa trip and soon to be posted ywav camp photos, all up on facebook yeah.

with that i basically summed up everything impt that has happened over the past month. dunno what have i been up to, but seriously, everything other than physically, i've just been floating aimlessly like a ghost, and its sad, really sad. got my piorities all wrong, got the order all mixed up, lol i dunno whats impt to me now really, i mean, cept for God, everything esle is just a blur, and to be honest, im not all that holy polly. my eyes were opened during ywav camp, and seriously man, i've got some work to do.

i doubt anyone comes here anymore since i've not been blogging for so long. hahah is good, dont see no problem with it, cos i'm not posting no exciting entry here, im just a bored guy with nothing to do. i went to play soccer and eat dinner with jerome and company yesterday. he asked me what are the 4 most important things in my life now. NOW, at this current moment. i said God jerome Jenisse Jeremyam. of course things arent gonna always remain this way, but for now thats the way it is, in no particular order with regard to the latter 3.
i hope you like my christmas present for you.the truth


When thirst does not bother
Rivers and oceans surround
When plants begin wither
Not a well can be seen around

We cant stop for a rest
Knowing time waits for none
Almost seems like life’s a test
Too many things to be done

This nightmare never seems to end
Agonizingly each step we take
Guiding us, an invisible hand
Leading us all the way till we awake

The first 2 verses describe how i feel now, extremely tired, 80% emotionally, 20% spiritually, not gonna lie about it man. the last verse describes what i KNOW. God will deliver me, you, us, like he's always done.

Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged,

be strong and courageous

for the Lord your God

will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

been a long while..

been super long since i last posted eh. for that matter its been super long since i've last VISITED this blog, no motivation, no drive to do anything, im like a floating ghost.. lol..

nothing to blog about, maybe one day i'll start blogging again, hi daniel and all the people who have been tagging, yes aiwee................


what am i supposed to do now? im tired of running.
after you or away. 2 paths.is it the time to give up?

why are we so weak.

i realised i have not posted for the longest time ever, not been updating, basically i've not even been coming to my blog. alot of things have been happening and i've simply had no mood whatsoever to come and pen down what has been going on in my life.


well PW oral presentation is over, chinese A levels is over, volleyball training has restarted, i became an ogl, we're gonna re-begin our ywav camp planning because the camp theme has been changed, yam's birthday just passed HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Jenisse's birthday is coming, Eric and Bell's wedding is coming, my grandma's birthday is coming.


those are just small little updates. to be honest, i dont even know why i didnt feel like blogging all this while, its almost as if blogging puts me off. My walk with God has been in its worst state ever the past month, but i know at the end of the day, all it takes is a conscious effort and discipline to return to God that will get me back on track, cos God never forsakes. i've been trying very hard to get back on track, to re-ignite that flame, and maybe thats the problem, doing all of it myself and not committing to God.


this committing to God thing struck me really hard as i was walking down the street last week, its like all we need to do is commit everything to God, and really, God will just TAKE CARE of everything FOR REAL, im not kidding, you will feel peace, love and most of all hope that at the end of whatever ur going thru, all will be well. But we just simply cannot commit it to God, we just cant let go! WHY! i must really confess, as far a christian can drift away from God after being born again, i think i've done it man, and i really regret, but my testimony has just been horrible but i know God's waiting for me to come back, and i will go back.

you know if ur backsliding, will you go back?

wow i havent posted for THAT long eh. interesting... soooo many things have been happening in the past few weeks i've just had no time to sit down and reflect and think about stuff. but now that holidays has started, i think i really need to re-evaluate my life and my walk.

the past few weeks, have been training hard in vball, i think the team is starting to look like a team, starting to play tgt and play ball. of course we still have an extremely extremely long way to go before we will reach A div level but every journey needs a first step right.

hmm previously got back results, moving on... things have just been such a blur, and my walk has been really off, and i pray i'll get back. the funny thing about all this is that we get to make the choice to go to God, its us that causes our walks to be so off track, yet we never seem to go back.

now planning for church camp, hmm i really dont know what to say man, many many things have been going on yet i cant put a finger to it, i cant put them on paper, its weird huh. how there are a million things happening but u have no idea what they are.this is the end of JC1.


how things have changed....

now that the picture is so much clearer, i'll wait! as long as it takes. i'll wait. i just pray it all works out. but im happy now. i really am. THANK YOU GOD.

i really want to share everything that has happened the past 5 days starting from thursday morning where we set off to jalan betera for the camp(i think thats how u spell it. lol.) all the way till sunday night when we were released and today when we had our dinner ceremony and officially graduated from ccaab camp(cca advisory board), to become the leaders of ACJC.


this experience has just blown me away. i went NOT wanting to go, my mind was all about who in the world wants to go for a stupid leadership camp. i miss ywav, i miss sunday service, my church friends, i miss thursday and friday AC games. but i dont regret, and i never will. This is the first camp ever that i would dare say i would bring home something other than memories. the values and lessons learnt. im totally blown back by what God has done to me through the camp and participants.

the best camp i've ever been for. EVER been for. words just cannot describe how i feel. i just praise God for humbling me as much as he has. i feel weak, i feel hurt, sad and disappointed with myself. but i also feel proud, happy, confident and optimistic. i know the road ahead is amazing and glorious if i will just learn from my mistakes. oh how i wish i could go back and re walk that path. but i know God meant it exactly for what he did, and i will follow, i will listen.


its alright to make mistakes, as long as we learn from them.

TEN BOOM. We'll blow you away.
CCAAB 2008. We will lead.as we follow.
thank you Lord father in heaven. hallowed be thy name.

CCAAB camp

i went with the intention to dominate, to shine, to be a "star", but God had other plans. he wanted me to be humbled. i went with the intention to lead, but God had other plans. he wanted me to follow. this is the first camp in my life i daresay i'm bringing sth back home other than memories. the lessons learnt. im just humbled. i really am.

God is good.

so many things i dont wanna say. so many things i dont dare to show. so many thoughts i dont have the guts to expose. all because i know non believers are watching me. all because i know im answerable to God. but God made us imperfect. even believers are flawed. Even we are weak. trusting in the Lord doesnt make us invunerable, doesnt make us invincible.it simply gives us a source of strength. a place we can turn to whether we need the strength or not. whether we're at peace or not.


its so tiring to be who we are, so tiring to show people who the real "me" is, yet NOT show people who the real "me" is? isnt that the case in the world. NOBODY, i dare say NOBODY shows 100% of who they really are in this wretched world. simply because the world would be UNABLE to take it. "this is who i am, this is the real me" Is this really the real me? we gotta keep asking ourselves that. one moment we lose track, the next we look back and wonder who the heck was the person standing in our shoes behaving the way he/she did.


christians always want to give non-believers the best impressions. testimony its called. so that we can set the example for them. set the example that Jesus set for us. but how tiring it is to be the pillar of strength. the pillar of peace, that punching bag continually attacked by circumstances and problems but so resilantly not giving in. why do we feel so tired? why do we feel so weary? isnt it all because we dont go back to Christ? then we say OKAY i shall do quiet time tonight, read my bible, pray. we're back on track! now i wont feel tired, tml in school, the devil's gonna fall at my feet. or so we think.


the next day we feel even more tired than before. we feel even more helpless. before we kept our eyes on God, we were tired, now, we're still tired? hows that possible. maybe we were never MEANT to NOT feel tired. maybe we were just meant to commit it to God and ask him to HELP us through this tiredness. the tiredness doesnt disappear because we ask God to make it disappear. when we look to God for help. he simply walks beside us THROUGH the furnace. he simplys cries with us when we cry. he's simply there for us. maybe thats what its all about.


people often say, i dont wanna be a christian, if God is so good, why are there so many screwed up christians. with vulgarities, with attitudes, with all the shortcomings a christian as stereotyped by the world is NOT supposed to have. why? with this in their mind, they dont wanna be a christian. they dont wanna believe. this God is simply not real, not good, not POWERFUL enough if his believers are behaving like that?
how christians behave does NOT remove the fact that we are ultimately ALL answerable to God. if every christian behaved perfectly. would you believe?
i'm sure not. u'd think they were controlled freaks. religious screw ups. thats what you'll think of them. surely if they all behaved so well, they cant have done it out of their own will. God must be controlling them. why would i want to be controlled.


why am i typing all this? lol i feel possessed. im tired. mentally. but life goes on. the clock doesnt wait. every step i take. is one step closer to the finish line.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

ive not been taking pictures cos simply not been in the mood to. lol.
friday after math paper i went to watch house bunny with friends, i think i've already said that. yes. well then saturday nothing much.


SUNDAY was a great day, but the end of the day i was half dead, went for church, ate lunch, went to play pool with gabriel and jemyam then went to play bball with zach lejon etc at queenstown cc. now THATS how sundays are meant to be spent. then went home got changed, went out with my family to watch mamamia, its actually not bad. but its not really that great a movie, unless ur an ABBA fan then it would be really awesome. well im not so i thought it was alrite, but my bro and dad were ranting about it. lol so whatever.


today went to play soccer with wenjie they all, it was alrite i guess. the past few weeks ive just not been in the mood for physical stuff
i just wanna sit down, have a meal, chitchat, maybe play pool and stuff. dunno whats wrong with me.lol maybe its the weather. maybe its not.


apathetically emotionless.

what am i doing at home on a saturday MORNING

yesterday was my h2 math paper. it was the 2nd worst math paper i had ever done in my life. first being sec 4 amath mid years. lol. MOVING on..... after that i went to watch HOUSE BUNNY with friends. it is the MOST chic flickalicious chic flick u will EVER find. i'm a chic flick lover and even i found it OVER chic flickalicious. so yeah, unless ur being treated to it, its no no! lol

but then again, it was pretty pleasant, and it was fun too, so if ur rich and u just wanna laugh with friends, go ahead. btw, the jokes are sick jokes so unless ur name is like lejon etc, u prolly wouldnt understand it anyway. :D love you lj.

okay now im bored. if ur bored and ur free, well i was about to say send me a msg but i realised that wld sound ultimately desperate. so no do NOT send me a msg. just....... hmmm figure out a way to UN-bore urself! i shall cook. BYE.

im in such a good mood! today was chinese paper, after that went to gym with zehang then went to play soccer with 1SC5 peeps and derek, then went home my father wanted to cook dinner but i suggested eating out so we went botak jones and i ate till i was SOOO satisfied. and once i reached home, it rained donkeys. WHAT a beautiful way to spend a tuesday!

:) its flooding over here! omg so fun!

yay! my mum got me a new umbrella! nice shade of blue eh? i asked her why she didnt buy pink, then her mouth dropped and she stared at me like i was a freak. LOL.

it is a beautiful sunday afternoon and i just returned home from church and im bored so i started taking random photos and posting them up. below is my handphone pouch! Phu gave it to me! nice eh! i know ur gonna say he gave it to me for a reason, but he actually let me choose between 2 and i chose this myself so RID URSELF OF THOSE EVIL THOUGHTS.

Darth Vader married britney spears and thru the power of the force, Darth Spears was born! a new and powerful dark wizard, darth spears had unimaginable powers! he was the only jedi in the entire dark federation that did not use a lightsaber! he used lightspears! throwing them with ridiculous accuracy, he was talent spotted by the singapore sports council! he changed his nationality from zimbabwean to Singaporean and represented Singapore in the Olympics at the event of ARCHERY! making it into the semi finals, the entire country celebrated for a new hero was born!

DArth vader had a younder s0n, his name was Jeremy skywalker! jeremy was jealous because his name started with J so everyone called him jealous jeremy but everyone called darth spears DAmazing darth! so jeremy decided to go swimming to drown his sorrows, but in the end jeremy himself drowned. Darth vader and britney spears were devastated but britney spears was more devastated than darth vader so she went home to sleep. darth vader died of loneliness and darth spears upon seeing the death of his father, died too. and britney spears lived happily ever after.

im bored.

this nonsense is quite funny! lol

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 82%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is Very High You go beyond being a "people person." Connecting with people is the most important thing in your life. You're empathetic, friendly, and outgoing. You are the kind of friend people dream of having. Your interpersonal intelligence is a gift. And you use it well.

How Does Your Interpersonal Intelligence Rate?

Your Love Element Is Wood

In love, you tend to gently dominate and guide your partner. For you, love is all about sharing goals and future plans. You attract others with creativity and vision. Your flirting style is defined by your honesty and assertiveness. Growth and improvement are the cornerstones of your love life. You may focus on goals too much in relationships, but you never come out of them with a loss. You connect best with: Water Avoid: Metal You and another Wood element: will be doomed to a stormy relationship

What Element Is Your Love?

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed. With respect to money, you save for a rainy day. You think good luck is something you won't attain - you expect bad luck. The hidden side of your personality tends to be easily attracted to fads and fashions. You are showy and want to be noticed. You are not able to relate clearly to others. You tend to become lost in clouds of confusion when attempting a task. When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you are not too worried about finding someone right away. You're kind of laid-back in such matters.

Who's The True You?

i dunno why but i just feel like blogging, and i dunno why, but i dont know what to blog. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm zijian why these few weeks u visit my blog so much.lol then i cannot write things bout my cca. LOL just kidding smile dude. "people" will tell you anyway, if i really were to write stuff, you wouldnt need to come and see it urself. LOL. chillax ah.


anyway im gonna imagine my friday didnt exist, yes yesterday, cos it started really well, but got as crappy as it could possibly get. today is alot smoother though, woke up late, ate lunch, went back to sleep again, got up mid afternoon studied, then went out with jerome for dinner, for near to 2 hours. we went anchorpoint to chill out. good to catch up again, even though it wasnt our usual sit down for 3 hours and talk kinda meal, it was still cool.lol


you know, i think i have so much to say, but there's this barrier, this obstacle, called linguistics. like there really arent many words that can describe what im feeling now, the closest word i can think of is rojak. lol. but its not a negative thing, neither is it a positive thing. its a lame thing and i dont like it.


the word regret always appears in my life, not so much because i have alot regrets, but because i make alot of decisions that people often dont understand. so they ask me if i have regrets. and i get alot of people asking me if i have regrets. do you have regrets? i know deep down i have regrets, but i keep saying i dont, maybe its not so much that i dont, maybe its more cos i dont WANT to have regrets. but regrets is fine, its an emotion, its an afterthought, its evaluation of what would have be, or would not. emotion is fine.

but are we SUPPOSED to regret?

the Lord has a plan for all of us. his plan is like a bullet train, it moves, decisively, full of conviction and passion, there is no area to slow down and reconsider. it moves on. and we are like the passengers. when we enter the train, it moves, we move, and we never look back. perhaps the passengers can get off at the next stop and U-turn back to the original station, but the time that the train took to reach the station, that time will never return, its gone, the journey over. things will never be the same again.and God's the driver.

so move on.dont even think about looking out of the window.God's not gonna wait for you.
he never will.


you're my prince of peace
i will always live for you.

PRE PROMOS

tml is promos! lol today was a fun day.

woke up around 9, got chem energetics under my belt, then i went out to meet bert and yam at anchorpoint for lunch, and it was crowded so we headed to botak jones at depot road, and we called lejon out! lol then we went to play pool haha damn fun.


i left after about an hour or so while the 3 of them continued to play. i went home cos i needed to study. then guess what, i slept when i reached home.lol.... then i woke up and watched anime cos my brain refused to absorb anything. then my mum came home with dinner and i ate dinner and i watched the korean drama. so my afternoon = useless. what a great day.




?
The Lord never forsakes.

what would you do?

i have today and tml off because of study break and exams start on friday, cool huh, so just now i was studying, and this random thought came to my mind.


imagine its the year 2100, and some tyrant has taken over the world, an updated version of hitler, ruthless, sadistic and every other trait of hitler x10. imagine the whole world is in ruins, and this tyrant is out to kill all christians.


imagine he has succeeded in doing it to every single christian except you and your closest friends and family, lets say you and ur... 3 closest friends? then one day ur family members got captured cos they ran too slow when yall were trying to escape officials.


so ur only left with you and ur 3 friends, then 4 of you decide to go to the headquarters and over there u see ur family members getting tortured by the retard who is 10 times of hitler. he is torturing them because he wants to know the whereabouts of you and ur 3 friends because you 4 are the last christians remaining and the fact that u 4 have not appeared is the only thing that has kept ur family alive, albeit being tortured.

what would you do?


you know trying to save ur family means the end of all your lives (you have absolutely NO CHANCE against this retard and his army of billions), not only can u not save ur family, your friends and you die as well.


but if you do nothing, how would you feel?
at this time, does stepping out mean u've lost ur will to live? so interesting huh? dunno why i had these thoughts also, it was SO random and just POPPED into my head, like God wants to tell me something but i dont know what. i even imagined a scenario! i said i would not go out and try to save them just yet, i would go back and come up with a plan, then one of my friends (the guy i pictured looked and sounded surprisingly like naruto, maybe i've been watching too much anime, lol.) screamed at me.

CALEB! WHY HAVE YOU BECOME SO COWARDLY WHEN THIS REAL TEST OF COURAGE HAS APPEARED!

then i screamed back

ooo wait ah, i dunno what his name was, hmmm lets call him..... clark!

i screamed back! CLARK! WHY HAVE YOU BECOME SO DUMB WHEN THIS REAL TEST OF INTELLIGENCE HAS APPEARED!

and i dunno what happened in the end, cos i snapped out of it and realised i had been reading the same electrochemistry page for the last 30 mins. cool huh.. what an afternoon....

what WOULD you do?
if christ-likeness is the finish line and worshipping God is running. then the race never ends.

u can sit on the fence, u cant sit on the coin. choose.

even a christian family is not exempted from the devil's pickings. and more often than not, the devil succeeds in messing them up. sad huh?

victory lies in the heart of the God-fearing.

there are 2 sides to every single coin. failuring an exam, losing a friend, getting betrayed, being punished, being lied to, having a dysfunctional family, falling into disastrous circumstances, having a dysfunctional family, losing a job, being wrongly accused for something you did not do and having a dysfunctional family. all these are just examples of a coin.


do u want to look at the shiny side, or the dull side? its up to you.
through every such occurence, i begin to understand more and more why God placed me here. to show me what i should not, and WILL not do, in the future. :D


To God be the glory.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.is he yours?

okay updates, my body is messed up. i think i got some bacterial infection or sth. yesterday i went home 2 hours early cos i was starting to feel feverish. upon reaching home around 1 something. i slept all the way to dinner, my body was stiff and it was aching, and i felt as if i had not slept at all. lol at night after dinner i felt as if i was gonna fall anytime.


anyway slept at 10, earliest i've slept in EONS. came to school this morning, during assembly i felt horrible, but i still went for PE anyway. come on, handball, how can i miss that! lol. then i felt dizzy like i could fall anytime, so i pink slipped(permission letter to leave school) out. that was around 12. i woke up 30 mins ago. lol so for all who read this, please pray for me, no idea what is wrong with my body, just know its messed up. lol.


anyway food for thought, on my way home, i was thinking about what i was to my friends, to the people around me. have you ever thought about people's impressions of you? what kind of impact you've had on peoples' lives? or if u have ever had any impact? if you were to die, barring ur family and CLOSEST friend(s) ----> this number shldnt excede 5, barring these people, is there gonna be ANYONE esle at all thats gonna remember you? for ur mannerism, for ur attitude, for the way u put urself across. basically, for who you ARE. if ur answer to this question is no or not sure, sure is time to change that.


think about the impact you wanna have on peoples' lives, or wld u rather sit one corner and just quietly live ur life while getting ur As and have people remember you as a genius lacking social skills? with the exclusion of einstein and thomas edison, try to think of 10 geniuses the world has ever seen. i'm sure u have difficulty filling up that list. but think about 10 people who have impacted ur life, something encouraging they said to you that turned ur life around, something they have done for you that absolutely melted ur heart. the list will fill up in less than a minute i assure you.


some people think that they own their life, and they want to do WHATEVER they want, "you onli live life once!" so ur attitude in studies is negatively nonchalent, you dont care about teachers, people who anger you suffer the wrath of your behind the back talk. who cares what they think about me?!! what matters is what I, ME, think about myself. if thats the way u think, and thats the way i OFTEN think, then ur grossly wrong, life's not all about you. imagine living on an island alone. we were meant to live with people, share with people, talk to people, laugh with people, cry with people, and last of all, leave earth with people.


what kind of legacy do you wanna leave when u die, if u die, and u never know when u WLD die, it may be tml, for me, it cld be the moment i press "publish post", we all never know. so we gotta leave our legacy each and every single day, each and every single moment we have. i think the impact im leaving behind is crap, a disappoinment and shame most of all to God, im sure if i were to die now, i'll grossly regret the way i have lived my life. but theres still time to change all of this. God being my strength, nothing can stop me. who do you want people to remember you as? do u think there will be a hole in someone esle's life if u were to leave today? think about it. if ur answer is no, time to ask urself THE question.


ARE you LIVING?
the joy of the LORD is my strength.

congrats jerome for doing well in ur exams, as foreign as that concept is to me, im super happy!!!!! trust me.

well my best friend's been studying, time to get started myself too right? lol

there is SO much i want to blog, but i cant seem to put into words. lol why? Thank God i have God, can u imagine if i dont have God gosh. how do people survive without someone to spill to? im sure even the closest of friends have moments where they cant share sth with the opposite person right? maybe cos they are in different environments, maybe cos the problem involves the other person as well etc etc.

i actually wanted to start this section where i share my reflections on my day with God, something like what jerome does, but i realised there are so many things that simply cant be put into words. such is the wonder of God's love that even the amazing thing called language is a failure. lol.

there are always words we miss out.
whats the meaning of everything? do you have something to tell me? please do.
if i say something magnanimous and understanding, theres a high chance i dont mean it, so turn it around and you'll get what i really wanted to say.

God will always be number one.

what does peer pressure mean?


i was looking through my archives from when i first created my blog and all that and almost every other post seems to be on my reflections about my relationship with Jesus, but now it almost seems as if NONE of my posts are on that. I still remember vaguely, i forgot who was it, but somebody told me my blog was boring, so i decided to talk alot less about all these "God is great, God is good!" stuff, no big deal wad, just stop posting about these stuff, nth's gonna happen!


months down im looking at myself now, i feel like an utter disgrace.my attitude, the way i've been behaving in school, with my friends, everywhere, its just disgusting, and its all because i wanted to please and make people read my blog. after i stopped talking about God and all that, the importance of God in my life has just diminished to a shameful state. What comes forth from ur mouth is prevalent in your heart, you will always subconsciously talk most about whats important in your life.


its time to change, Christianity is not a religon, Christianity is not some arty farty belief. Its a lifestyle, its what DEFINES who we are, and God is not some imaginary creature we created to have hope, to say "if i look forward to God, i will have motivation to live, if not theres no meaning in life!" Its more than just saying it, its meaning it, he is REAL and will always be, so if he's gonna take a backseat in ur life, i doubt he'd even WANT to sit in ur car, he's the driver, we trust and obey.


i just wanna thank jerome, i was reading his blog and i was thinking, it cant possibly get anymore boring, but thats nonsense! its the most exciting blog i've ever seen cos every other post shows what he really cares about and what is IMPORTANT and core to his life, it shows what is placed FIRST in his life. thank God for a friend like that, im sure he doesnt even know he has helped me wake up, but thanks man. and thank YOU God :)


ur actions and words clearly show what is deemed important in our lives. what is important in your life? Show it.

i just watched click. and i think all of you should too, love your family and friends guys, they dont last forever.

reflection.

okay hi guys! i've not been posting for a long time, alot has been going on, school and cca and other stuff, including my grandmother's death and all that, this past 1 month is got to be the toughest month thus far of the year, which is why i havent been posting, not so much of nothing to post(TOO much has been happening) but more of a lack of mood, and i've basically just not been myself.


leading up to today my walk with God has been ridiculous, my quiet time has been ridiculously non existent, my prayers shallow and i would be so ashamed if God were to ask me what i am doing. All this while, something in my is just preventing me from being who im supposed to be, who i am and who i want to be. Today when i went for splash, i was once again reminded, miraculously of how God is good all the time, and he's always there, and its a matter of whether we want to go to him or not, i was actually saying these things in my prayer when i was praying with pastor eric, and i was doing it subconsciously, it was almost like God was MAKING me say those words.


then in cell, serene taught us about overcoming the crisis/obstacles in my lives, about how we cannot hide our feelings and we as humans were created to have emotion and sadness, its alrite to be sad and grieve, and today has just been a wake up session for me, im still struggling to finish my work, i havent started studying, im starting to get worried, i'm feeling tried, theres so much on my mind, things that i wouldnt normally care about, i'll be going "ah its all gonna work out fine! " but i've come to a point where things dont just WORK OUT, u gotta reach out and MAKE them WORK OUT, like we dont just GROW close with God by shaking our legs, we gotta GO to him and make the decision to grow close.


for all the people i have offended and been treating badly, yes yam you included lol, forgive me, i've just not been myself, the emoness and all that, i'm really ashamed to even consider the way i've been behaving over the last few weeks, what is there that God cannot accomplish? What is there that is too much for God?

i dont wanna mess around anymore. its time to get serious.

"in all things, God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his will........."

oh my, look at this usain bolt parody, i laughed my head off man. total joke!

think about it.

what does it mean to behave like a different person? when someone who u think knows you tells you ur behaving like a different person. does it mean u've changed, or does it mean its been in you all along and u just never knew until a circumstance forced it out?

im way way off track. way off.

it was just 4 days.

i love my parents. i love my family. i love my friends. and most of all, i love God.

you'll only know what happiness feels like after u've experienced its opposite.
this one week has been hell for me, i have never felt so emotionally defeated in my life. lol, my parents have been in malaysia the whole week attending to my grandmother's stuff, and my bro has been in hostel at ntu. i have NEVER experienced loneliness in my life before. until this week.


tuesday i went with my bro to malaysia, straight after school i met him, reached malaysia went to the crematorium to meet my parents and my sister and my uncles and aunties. never seen my father cry so many times in one day before. lol more than i've ever seen him cry in my life. haha but well its his mom, so i guess its natural. so many times my eyes were hot and watery, but nothing could come out, like there was a blockage at my eyes..


returned to singapore after the cremation and lunch on wednesday. everybody was falling to the ground during the cremation. sigh... when i reached singapore, i felt dead again. my bro left for the hostel and i have no idea what my sister was doing in her room.


thursday woke up late, i have never appreciated my mum this much before, the small supposedly insignificant things like making sure im awake even though there is an alarm clock to get me up, all these things we often brush off. i love my mum man. went to school. after school went to play basketball and just let all that angst out. lol. after that i went home, reached hme around 6pm. washed up etc etc, 7pm my sister called me and told me she needed to go A&E (emergency) cos the clinic doctor told her that her headache wasnt a normal headache.

dont ask.

reached home around 10 sth, thank God my sister did not have to stay in the hospital.
i just reached home 30 mins ago. when i say my mum's slippers outside the door, i almost wanted to cry, i go so emotional my eyes started to water. i really missed my parents, and its been 4 days, ridiculous, like some little pathetic baby. i am the most pampered kid in the world. i really am. it took my grandma's death to see that, lets hope my eyes are alot sharper now.


you'll never appreciate what u have, till you know what its like to not have.
never.


Do not be discouraged, do not be afraid.
Be strong and courageous,
for the Lord your God
will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

pastor eric says when u say ur bored, it implies u are self centred, and ur needs are not met. haha absurd but logical. BUT at this point of time, im disregarding all references my next statement has to my ego. I AM BORED.


okay since its spreading like wildfire, i'll let yall who read my blog(that of which im guessing is like less than 5 people, HOPEFULLY, u see this lack of confidence and low self esteem? u can help me by tagging, that will greatly improve my esteem! :D okay laughter aside, my paternal grandmother passed away on sunday, my mum recieved a phonecall from johor, yes granny is malaysian, then she had a heartattack so my mum and sis went immediately over to msia where my father already is.


i decided to stay back in singapore cos it was too much of a rush so im going to msia tml(tuesday) after school with my bro, the wake's on wednesday. yesterday after my mum and sis left, my bro left soon after to go back to his university hostel, so the house was left to me. the whole empty cold lonely pathetic house. okay lonely doesnt describe the hse, it describes me. lol, it was weird, i watched tv for like 5 hours cos i had no mood to do anything.


frankly i'm almost not affected, to the point i feel weird, she's my closest grandparent but we're still not amazingly close, perhaps its cos i was expecting it already. and so im gonna miss the entire wednesday, im so gonna die with my work.


i love camp rock.LOL, random, but important. if you dont know what it is, ur either above 40 or..... u live in a cave. its a new disney channel original movie starring demi lovato and joe jonas, guess where my current blog song comes from????? :D


really feels weird to be at home all by myself. today i came home to the house i left in the morning and it was in the same exact same condition, the windows closed to that exact same degree, nothing changed, nothing moved. i am so getting married. can u imagine going home to an empty house after work? depressionable.i dont think this word exists but in my dictionary it basically means, able to cause depression. :D


when ur loved one leaves, how would you feel? my friend said she never wants to think about it. but mental preparation works wonders. at least i think it does. does it?

oh wait, btw for all who read this post, im okay, trust me when i say it, lol. people dont seem to believe me when i say im okay, im NOT suppressing depression or feelings or whatever, i AM okay. thank you for the thought though. if you even thought of anything. lol.

oh wait did i forget to say i lost my phone last friday? yeah i lost my phone last friday, and no im not getting a new one, i dont want. at least not yet. :D

WHO MADE CHINA HIGH?
opium

was watching some beijing olympics gymnastics events with my bro and he got so excited over all the bloopers being made(yeah sadist) and he actually went to youtube to search for bloopers. check this out. ouch.

more pictures! below is the post on founders day dinner.

Monday Night 4th August 2008. Fairfield's 120th Founders Day Dinner celebration at Swisshotel.

to think that the last time we could meet up officially as a whole level just passed in the blink of an eye.
Jerome and i met at queenstown mrt, he took 2 million years to come! gosh ALWAYS late. not that im any better, but still! :D im so gonna get destroyed for this.lol. we took cab together to the place and when we got there, we were like WHOA, everyone was SOO well dressed, madness! my mama told me not to bring blazer, later look out of place, when i went there, i BARELY saw people WITHOUT blazers! LOL.i look constipated because i was trying to keep my eyes away. i hate flash! Pretty Cuifen! treasure this compliment, its the first i've ever given you and ever will! LOL.

Alden and i!
In memory of aiwee who is far far away and cldnt come for the dinner, this is a picture of Jingle mingle and... oh my whats my funny name! i forgot!
Brothers forever. Jerome and i.

Christie! The shumei wannabe. she hits about half the strength of shumei. learning learning.. Joc thong!
BRIAN CHAN! lol full of crap.
This photo above is actually one of my favourites taken the whole night, surprisingly though, considering the people IN IT, namely laura and rachel kinda hate me. lol. just kidding! whats life without a little humour! :) and then theres nicol. all those sec 1 times at my hse field. talk about nostalgic.
4E 2007! the best class i've ever had and i think i may ever HAVE had. the 2 years of memories, the screaming and the singing. i would go through the dry routine days ALL over again if i could.
SHUMEI IN A DRESS, OMG................................................................................... :D this statement, if seen by shumei, was warrant me at least 10 hits on my back. she hits as hard as zijian mind you, YES TAN ZIJIAN. so be afraid, be very very afraid, cos I AM!!!!!!!!!!

Jenisse! :D friends forever!
blur blur picture, this is what happens when people with unsteady hands take picture of two ridiculously good looking people! :D
Neo, mok, darren. lol darren's facial hair is like whoa....
Bao Bao!
Julia tan!

Izzac LIM! STOP s_ _ _ _ _ _!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeo! Joy yeo! look at that! picture of glam! gosh! my class mate and cell mate! In all you do, JIA YOU!
DEREK LAM! hahah look at our shirt and tie colours, lol so cool.
Jerome again! looking good! you owe me 2 botak treats. TWO.
Allicia!

COMBINED HUMANITIES CLASS! i love this class, its a mixture of people form 4E and 4F, taught by Mrs Choe who's there in the middle, gosh, she is really the best teacher i've ever had, her patience, the way she portrays herself, ALL THE WAY MRS CHOE! btw this is the subject in which i won the book prize award on friday, getting top in the level. i got 54, 50 and 51 for my sec 3 mid years, end years and sec 4 mid years respectively before my 78 in prelims, and all i can thank and SHOULD thank are Mrs Choe and God.

all the memories, all the friends. we may have moved on, but our hearts still remain with fairfield. i always thought ms elaine lim was being lame when she kept talking about how great fairfield was and how we would miss it the moment we left it and we would be dying to come back, how we shld always thank our teachers and be grateful for the school all that stuff. now i realise, not a SINGLE word she said wasnt true.

To all my secondary school mates, for all the times i was an ass, which im presuming was more often than not, im sorry. thank you for the memories for the fun and for the friendship. this is not just to 4E students but to all fairsians 2007. The best batch ever, the friendships dont just stop here. 40 years from now, people will still be talking about fairfield, and the batch of 2007 will be among the best mentioned.

Fairfield. 120 years gone, this is just the beginning.

FAIRFIELD 120th FOUNDERS DAY CEREMONY

today was founders day ceremony in fairfield! ytd i went to tiong bahru plaza after school to meet my mama and we went shopping! yay yay, so fun, i bought a pair of leather shoes for my founders day ceremony today and a long sleeve G2000 shirt for the founders day dinner on monday night! so fun!


man, today, the moment school ended at 3.30, i was just so excited to go back to fairfield, i went to get joy's and my blazer from the blazer room and the whole bunch of us were heading back to our alma mater from AC! i was screaming and shouting my head off, i just felt so weirdly high, so free, to be going back to fairfield, when i stepped inside and i saw the different people from my batch, i just felt SO at home. like gosh, THIS is what a school is meant to be like. THIS is what a school is SUPPOSED to be like.


i had SO much fun catching up and hanging out with my sec 4 mates all over again. fairfield just pulls everyone together, i cannot believe what a family we were. one whole level, one whole clique.


Below are pictures with my sec 4 friends, we wear blazers cos we are prize winners, academic or special awards etc. I, miraculously, through God's ridiculously amazing grace, got top in comb human(geog) so thats why im wearing a blazer, yes i know OMG caleb with an academic award! which is why i say, through God's ridiculously amazing grace. :D To God be all glory.

haiz, jingming, never change ah......
impressive joy with the carrie kenyon award for something to do with outstanding character i think lol, wow what a surprise! never thought she'd get it!(if u cannot sense the sarcasm, u shld go and eat chilli padi.)
leon and lilin! i miss leon and all his nonsense, the joy and fun he brought to the class whilst being serious in his studies and always wanting to do well.gosh leon do well in jj man! lilin, fairfield's top student and winner of about a million book prizes(top in a certain subject etc).
my parents! :D

more pictures another day, i cant wait for the dinner on monday! GOSH im gonna have SO many more pictures! the thought that the dinner on monday will mark the last time our level can officially get tgt, just saddens me. these past 4 years have been blowout amazing, the friends i have made, the memories i have, if i could turn back time and relive my sec 4 year, i would walk so slow a minute would seem like a year.

God is amazing. how foolish we often blame him for "absent" blessings when we just cant get it into our thick skull that they are in our blind spot and only by walking forward will they come into sight.

havent been posting anything for awhile, recently nothing much has been happening, and everything that HAS happened is still unpostable.lol made a couple of extremely important decisions this last week, its been tough, to not know what is ahead of both paths, yet choose the one that seems less sweet, but the one you know is right.


training has been strenous as usual, getting harder than before, but its actually still quite relaxed compared to like the other xiong sports ccas. i was thinking yesterday, can u imagine if i hadnt joined a sports cca, omg man, i think i'll die la, my fitness level would be so pathetic! sure, i wld probably be doing better in my studies, but thats not everything, lol thank God i decided to join a sports cca.

To God be the glory.

Some pictures from the singapore art museum, really weird pictures...tsk art......

Today was fun! totally....lol.
btw im blogging at 12.38 am, so whatever is in this post is in reference to BEFORE 12am, so when i say today, i mean BEFORE 12am, so when i say ytd i mean BEFORE BEFORE 12am.


okay ytd i talked to jerome on the phone till like 2. whoooooooo so fun, so i slept and i woke up at 10 half dead, and i left my hse at 12 to go library to return and pick up books and met yam for lunch. then we went to church at 1.30 to PRAY for PRAYER(splash) how cool is that.


yam serene and i had a very serious talk, meaningful maybe, but fruitful or not, it'll take time to see. but these talks are needed every now and then.there there.



went for ywav then, left at 4.30 lol bible study hadnt even started yet when i left. lol. i went home to change and then went to get dinner and i went to SINGAPORE ART MUSEUM for some greek tragedy play, gosh it was so good. its an RJ alumni production anyway. really good stuff. SO real. lol then i went to holland v to eat ice cream and fries and all that jazz at swensens. wow.lol then i reached home at 12.30. gosh latest i've reached hme in a super super super super super super super long time. but it was REALLY a fun day. :D

church tml see ya! :D

i can barely contain it. i wanna scream out. i wanna shout out, i wanna go crazy and EXCLAIM. lol. the only thing stopping me is the "dont count ur chickens before they hatch" thing, but my gosh, what am i feeling now. lets not screw this up dude. Jerome we have to meet soon, any longer, my lungs are gonna burst. LOL. Jeromeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.


i have butterflies in my stomach every second. i HAVE to talk to someone. lol.
happy happy happy
happy happy happy
my life piorities
1.God
2.God
3.God.

Okay this is the summary of the past week, its been cool, everything going just fine. my mood has just been amazing and i have no idea why! lol. :D

look at this chicken rice that samuel lee was eating. ridiculous! i know that chilli rocks, but to use it as if its gravy? lol gotta be kiddin me man.
OKAY this is an amazing story! ms baljeet was showing us how to mix the solutions and stuff during chem practical and she said in order for us to see the precipitate, we have to pour out the solution from the test tube, so she just randomly poured the solution into the sink, RANDOMLY, yes, without hesitation, without....without wadever! she just poured! and THIS was the shape the solution formed! OMG. AMAZING stuff! haha we were all laughing and saying that its a sign of things to come for her then she was like "it comes with experience from rejecting so many guys!" HAHAHAHAH so cool la, she's super funny man.
then on wednesday, we had this module thing, and we signed up for which module we wanted to go so my frens and i went for anger and conflict management, and it was suppppppper boring...): then halfway through i found almost half the people in the lecture theatre were sleeping and look at sher, ame and pan! LOL identical actions! hahah. okay im bracing myself for a barage of "why did u put up our unglam pictures!" complains. oh well! go click 5! lol.


No more white font. (: