look at these cool pictures i found. lol random i know, but nice nonetheless!

im damn tired. really really tired. how do THEY do it. damn.

have you ever asked yourself the question, is who you think you really are, who you really are? lol cheem cheem. omg. seeing the word cheem makes me think of chem. all is lost, the world is ending.

i seem to be a different person before i run, and during my run. strange strange indeed...

damn i love this song man

Matthew 11:28

Levelisation of Friends

Level 5: People you know and have seen before but you dont say hi to. aware of existence.

Level 4: People you nod ur head at if you're a guy and smile at if you're a girl

Level 3: People whom you have fun with, i.e. in ur big clique, but you're not really "one on one" friends with the person him/herself

Level 2: You know who he/she likes and the person knows who you like. and thats ALMOST all you talk about. Yall are really close, but if you think about it, besides ur crushes, theres almost nothing esle to talk about.

Level 1: More than friends. almost a like a brother and sister. first person u call when ur depressed, first person you sms when something big happens in ur life.

early this year i watched made of honour with my cell, but recently i watched it again since i have it. and i think its really interesting. its like the protagonist had a best best best best friend, who happened to be a girl i.e. opposite gender la. so they were best friends all the while but when the girl was going to get married, the guy realised that he actually liked her and started chasing her. blah blah the story ends they get together, really happy ending; but is that what will happen in real life?

alot of people have platonic relationships i.e. friendship with the opposite gender without going into the "i like you" crap. but most of the time when two people like each other, isnt it because they click really well and its real fun being together? i classify the made of honour protagonists as Level 1 friends, and i think the guy really has guts. i honestly believe girls have this inbuilt mechanism in their heads that say "you are my good guy friend, i will never like you". LOCK IN COMPUTER. then when the guy likes them, which really isnt all that surprising, they get shocked and :O :O i cant talk to you ever again, "virus has appeared in computer, file malfunctioning. DELETE". but the protagonist had the guts to chase the girl, did he not think, what if i fail? Level 1 friends come by rarely, most of the time in a person's life, he will only have max 2 or 3 of such friends, regardless of gender. so did he not think that if he chased her and failed, that perhaps he might have lost a very precious Level 1 friend???

lol obviously we all know if that was the storyline, hollywood would be bombed the next day. but aint it a thought worth thinking? lol. this is my suggestion, guys should install a similar mechanism into their computers. its called "emotion controller", its very effective, when ur with the girl, enter command "i am gay". of course, please remember to delete file upon non-contact with girl. you dont wanna lose ur girl bffs, but you dont wanna lose ur guy ones either! :D:D:D:D

Through you i can do anything
I can do all things
Cos its you all gives me strength
Nothing is impossible
-Planet shakers, Nothing is impossible

There is nothing on my mind now other than God, NS and studies.
Seriously?

the countdown to hell

tuesday is supposed to be my slackest day of the week other than friday. then why the heck am i so tired? today i was really dead, by the time school ended my eyes were half shut.

then again, after school i went to run, so i cldnt have been THAT tired. but now that i've come back from my run. i AM really very tired. lol evident from the nonsensical manner in which i am blogging. for the first time in my wretched jc life, i did work, yes PROPER work in the ridiculously long break i have every tuesday morning, then i went for econs consultation. GASP, other than KI in which consultations i usually do not volunteerily request for, i have never gone for a single other consultation. yes, i am shocked too. looks like i am entering THE mode. yes, THE mode.

the one where i sit and study and i look up and my watch and realise that 3 hours have passed and i feel extremely satisfied. disclaimer. i THINK i am ENTERING THE mode. i have NOT entered THE mode. so for you all who are going "gasp! caleb is studying, things are getting grimmer, better cancel all my meals to prepare for hurricane Alevels!", halt your sheeps and relax. theres more to life than studying. :)

running is tiring. and i suck at it. officially. im a wuss in a boy's body. i was tired after running 1.6km. yes scream and shout, im gay! time to start training. evidently volleyball is not a very strenous sport. lol.

im sitting of my black chair of wisdom in my room of the undead and im thinking..

What is a "friend"? Who is YOUR "friend"? i dunno why but i just started thinking about it recently. weird question to ask because we all seem to have A best friend, and that 2 or 3 or 12 or 13 big clique. but so often when i sit down with a person and the conversation drifts off to friends. people will say "come to think of it, im not even really that close to blah blah, we just hang out together forever and have fun." lol. so who are your friends?

i once said i wish i didnt have emotions. true, the highs are exhilarating and come on, who doesnt like the feeling of joy, of pure ecstacy because ur friends treat you like a king on ur birthday, who doesnt enjoy the euphoria when ur cinderella tells you she loves/likes you too.

but what about the time when you wait forever for her and one day you realise that she's really been just, JUST a friend all along. what about the day you find out you've flunk ur A levels after 2 years of hard work, yes, hard work. what about the day you find out that ur father or mother has cancer. what about that day?

whose gonna support you when ur falling down what seems like the bottomless pit. whose gonna stand beside you when ur studying forever and you feel that you're wasting every second of your life and the stress starts to weigh like a million tonnes. who will you call when that time comes? is it worth it then? i used to think it wasnt. now i think it is. afterall, what are friends for.

but then again sometimes friends fail. :)
joshua 1:9.

pissed.

im pissed. i just spent the last 1 hour trying to figure out why stupid imeem does not allow me to play the full song on my blog but some stupid 30 seconds preview. WHO WANTS TO LISTEN TO 30 SECONDS OF ANY SONG!. gosh. and i think imeem has changed its policies so that full songs cant be played outside of imeem. NO......................... if anyone knows how this can be corrected, let me know.

and i was in a good mood today somemore. wth man. dont feel like typing anymore. how the small trivial things affect my mood. i cant believe i have a 30 seconds song on my dumb BLOG. ARGHHHHHHHH.

today, for the first time in 3 years, i cried. i cried like i never cried before, the last time i remember crying so badly was in sec 3 january when i was going through hell and God touched me. i poured like a baby, and i couldnt even hold it back. i was trying so hard to hold it back in, but it just kept pouring.

why?

i was doing nth so i decided to watch a movie and i randomly took out this dvd from my bro's collection and it was titled FREEDOM WRITERS, yeah take that down. its the story of this woman who works in a hotel, she decided to be a teacher and because she was new, she was sent to this delinquent class. you know how you watch shows where a single person made a difference and stuff? the thing is, this movie is a true story, every single portion, and its based on a book. the journey from which the teacher entered this class of rebellious confused teens to the end where the teens become adults, developing into true men and women that society need, is just absurdly amazing.

i cant even describe what i felt, i dont even know if there ARE words that can describe what i felt. i might be exaggerating, might not, but i guess no one will even know for sure until they watch the movie. when i first saw the trailer 2 years ago, i was thinking, what the heck is this movie. im not gonna watch it for sure, 5 stars...... for being boring! But darn, how wrong am i man. how wrong am i.

i know it sounds cliche and like oh blah blah another life changing movie. wow big deal, i rather watch hannah montana and stuff. but before u have any other thoughts, i only have one, PLEASE watch it. u can borrow it from me :)

you're alive. But are you living?

scary.

you know what scares me the most? its my ability to be anybody i want, anytime i want, anywhere i want. its scary. its really really scary. and you know whats worse? whats worse is that i regret after everything happens. i regret being the person i was, i regret doing what i did and saying what i did. and the WORST part is. while im in that "mode", im enjoying myself. scary.

2009 has arguably been the most eventful year of my life. in both the bad and good terms. and the major event is still 5 months away. i cant wait. 2009. what a year. scary.

interesting.......

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Lord Reigns!

today was an amazing day. i woke up with a resolution, that i have screwed up my life enough and i wanna make the best use of it from now on to glorify God, i think i have let God down long enough and it really is time to wake up.

i woke up at 9am and for the first time in my jc life, i did work on a saturday morning, not just afew questions, i did 2 essays and my chem weekend homework. on saturday MORNING. thats more than i have done on a full saturday, in the past 1 year and 3 months. yeah, im still in shock.

then i went to church for youth, when i went into worship, my heart was stone-cold and i had no desire to be there whatsoever. singing cheery worship songs that require to clap and sway. and i was thinking, im so not in the mood for all these, but then i thought back about how in the past, when my walk was off alittle and i didnt feel like doing quiet time and that kinda stuff, i'll just let it pile up and my walk would turn horrendously wrong, so i just pushed myself and forced myself to focus on God.and i started singing, and before long i was crying.

during the verse "when the oceans rise and thunders roar, i will soar with you above the storm..." there was a crazy crazy thunder storm outside and the thunder was really really load, i just couldnt storm crying, it was as if God was talking to me, i just couldnt hold my emotions back. and im really glad that was the case.

after youth, i went to have dinner with lejon, and we had such a great talk, its amazing to have friends like him who is somewhat like an older brother to me. the things he say at times just fill me with awe at how mature a christian he is and how much i have to learn from him. but all Glory be to God.

after coming home, i ate dinner and napped awhile cos i was really tired, then i finished my KI long essay which i had been procrastinating for a long time. but that was after i did quiet time.
What is deemed a failure/obstacle by the world, was meant as a stepping stone for us by God.
is that not true?
Romans 8:37 In all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
God is really gracious. vulgarities have recently entered by life little by little because of how competitive and hot-tempered i am, so during volleyball trainings, i really cannot take it, even though i mouth it under my breath, it has become more and more prominent. but still God is willing to hold me close and forgive me.

I really think i have been wasting the past 17 years of my life slacking and TRYING to enjoy life when really all i have been doing, is messing myself up. Thank God i have awaken, and hopefully i stay awake for the rest of my life.

Dear Heavenly Father,
i thank You for constantly being there to watch over me and always forgiving me and holding me tight even though i let go off You for the things that dont matter. I pray that you will help me to change my ways and make me a disciple that glorifies and honours Your name. I thank You for the friends You have placed around me to remind me of my faults and my shortcomings. i pray that You will use me for Your great purpose in Your kingdom and You will guide me to do everything according to Your will. i continue to pray for my friends and family that You will bless them and raise them up that we can all glorify Your magnificent name.
All these i pray in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I am awake.

relax people, lol im not dying of sadness, but thanks for the concern people :) I am Caleb! Cool And Loving, Enthusiastic boy! i really move on fast people, so relax, its not as bad as it might sound, you know the whole deal about how written words simply cannot portray the emotions of a human! lol.

anyway im floating now, with no specific direction, i seem to be waiting for something, but i dunno what in particular. lol im cool with my current mode. no events, no activities, nothing spectacular, just relaxing and enjoying what free time i can get, which is like no free time. LOL.
Singing Jesus i love you, oh yes i really do, like the air that i breathe, you are everything to me! ooooohhhhhh.....! :D
jerome, catch up soon yo, after my exams are over, stay alive before we meet up! lol. :D:D
bestie says give up. others say continue to push on. what do i say?